The Doughnut Killer

So one night while running the register at Bert’s Market, I wore this t-shirt with a cartoon doughnut evading a pair of police officers. The inscription beneath the cartoon read: “Hiding from the cops!”

So guess who show’s up at the counter? Not a fireman. Not a doctor. But of course; a cop.

COP: “What? You think that’s funny?” (gesturing at my t-shirt)

ME: “What? My t-shirt? Nah. I think it’s f*ckin’ hilarious, freakin’ doughnut killer!!”

Okay! So, I really didn’t say that. I mean let’s face it, the man WAS wearing a sidearm.

So, instead I respectfully said: “It’s only funny cause it’s true.”

In the immortal words of my father who, as he was being hauled away by the police for having just kicked one of them in the groin, looking back his nine year old son while laughing hysterically in a Jack-Nicholson-"Herrrrrre's-Johnny!"-kind-of-way:  “F*ck ‘em if  they can’t take a joke!”

KNOW YOUR HISTORY: The Male Head-Nod

The male head-nod; A silent form of acknowledgement and/or recognition between two members of the male species who are far too engrossed in their own machismo-ness to exchange a hug or a firm handshake. A popular greeting whose usage can be traced throughout the annals of history, is commonly, though not always, followed with a slighted and barely audible “Wassup?”. Legend has it that Caesar himself received a casual male head nod from the emotionally torn Brutus seconds before violently thrusting his blade into the fallen dictators back. What is often overlooked, however, was the unexpected and startling “Who’s got yo’ back NOW, mutha-f*ckuh!!” Brutus snapped as he stepped back, pulling up on his crotch with one hand snapping his fingers down towards a dying Ceasar with the other.

Know your History, people!